all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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