Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
