you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
