You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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