saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
