mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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