so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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