My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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