I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
