So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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