She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
