I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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