I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Can Purell be used as lube?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
