Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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