all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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