i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize