The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
