He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize