forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
