That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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