After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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