Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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