It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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