ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
