If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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