Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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