I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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