What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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