i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize