Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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