my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
