i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize
