You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize