...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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