I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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