oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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