And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
