Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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