she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i think my cat just said my name.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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