remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
