I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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