Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
