There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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