I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
