I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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