Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
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