I heard we made out
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
