i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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