and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize