My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
