Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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