you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
