I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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