I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
