Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize