Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize