just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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