I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
