i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
