I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
as a side note pls kill me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
