I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
