What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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