My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need to calm my uterus...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
