Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
