We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
