you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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