On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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