Im at strip club and am horny
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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