dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
