who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
