still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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