My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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