Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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