New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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