Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
