advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
