Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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