so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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