it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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