Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
