they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
