Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The Olympian is in my bed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
