do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
