Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
