guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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