I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
