She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
