So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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