I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
