If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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