he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We were destined to go to rehab together
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
