highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
