we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
