how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
