the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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