I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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