this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
